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700 Club Aggravation

Still on the 700 Club. But not on the religious network so I guess endurable? And I can’t change the channel because I don’t want to be “that person” who gets targeted for not liking “Christian television programming.” No, I dislike bullshit, and the 700 Club is up to its metaphorical eyes in it. (I am not actually watching the program anyway, I’m just looking up when I hear something that gets past the headphones.)

Oddly enough I would watch it on a regular basis when I was still living at home. (This would be the early nineties. Pat Robertson demonizing self-harm and Dungeons and Dragons.) If you disagree violently with something, you should have hands on experience with what you disagree violently with. Otherwise you don’t actually know what you’re disagreeing with such as:

  • Demonizing mental illness. (Such as self-harm do to depression/other mental illness.) Literal demonizing, as in saying it was caused by demons.
  • Demonizing most forms of entertainment, but especially gaming/roleplaying.
  • That one Christopher Columbus segment that praised CC for bringing Christianity to the Americas.
  • The miracle segments always struck me as fake as all get out. Also sad small potatoes compared to plagues and the parting of the sea.
  • The faith healing and praying for things segment also struck me as fake as all get out. Mostly because the squinch-eyed “Behold god is showing me visions” tells. (Also isn’t there a definite nix against praying for things/praying in public?)
  • I disagree with their political platform on all levels since it’s anti-lgbt/anti-choice
  • Any reference to “Judeo-Christian” is a pet peeve of mine. Because of historical antisemitism of all or most Christian denominations. Also Jewish ethics/morality is not a even match with Christian since Jewish ethics are based on reasoning/debate and Christian ethics/morals are based on faith/literal biblical interpretation. Also the enthusiastic glee of Robertson when there was a “Jew converts to Christianity” segment.
  • Racism and demonizing of non-Christian religions. (No fuck they won’t let you in the fucking temple you dipshit.)
  • End of the world segments. Because no, and also fuck yourself Pat. (While having read post-nuke men’s adventure novels extensively as a small OtherCat, and having extensive post-apocalyptic fantasies because tail end of the Cold War, the actual end of the world is not something to be happy about/look forward to.)
(Eventually, someone who was actually watching TV changed the channel.)
***Cross-posted from Dreamwidth***

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So Tired...

I went to bed early-ish and still ended up tired. I also still have the headache that I’ve had since Monday. I’m currently in the apartment complex clubhouse and have plans to do job search despite the headache. The 700 Club is on the TV. I am displeased about this. (Is Pat Robertson dead? He doesn’t appear to be on it. Also, they format is less talk show and more “News anchor behind a desk” format…nope, spoke too soon there’s the talkshow set up and the squinch-eyed praying and the long distance “sensing of people who need to be prayed for faithhealing” thing.)

I am kind of frustrated with myself at the moment. Mostly because of the headache/tiredness and also because I haven’t been doing a lot of job search stuff. (Therapist says its okay to take a break, but I still feel frustrated/depressed.) I remember being in the shelter and the job counselor (I don’t remember his actual title, but he also helped with resources) telling me/being worried that I wasn’t doing enough relaxing/self-care things/socialization-engagement things. (Reading/writing apparently didn’t count.)

The plan today is to do some job search stuff, take out the garbage, and hopefully get some writing done.

***Cross-posted from Dreamwidth***

Things Got Done, Other Things Did Not

There have been some depressing notes about the possibility of Yahoo shutting down Tumblr, and people leaving because of the goddamn audio ads that have started turning up. I have seen at least one counter post stating that Tumblr is essentially "too big to fail." Considering other things that were considered "too big to fail" and then failed, I think the poster does not realize the lack of confidence their post inspires.

People should seriously consider dreamwidth as an option. Because I don't want to move to another new fandom platform goddammit.

So backing up some things that are only on Tumblr seems like a good idea that I will implement sometime within the next few days. (Mostly ficlets that are not stored elsewhere I think.)

Yesterday I was able to have a meeting with my job counselor guy, and I told him how the interview went. I did some job hunt things via his computer, and he questioned some of my application attempts. (I am sending repeat resumes to a lot of the same places. This is something that actually helped in one case. It's how I got the QA job.)

After the meeting, I finally did the grocery shopping. The trip home was very tiring because of the heat and my lungs really, really hating the heat. (Also the cart was heavy.)
I got everything into the apartment, then kind of just sat down for a while until I could catch my breath, and then put everything away.

On Tuesday I sent a "thanks for the interview" letter. Yesterday I got an email from the job saying they had gone with another candidate. As a result, I was and still am very unhappy/depressed about it. (I have been kind of unhappy/depressed for a while now, actually.) I am just so very tired of getting interviews but not getting hired. (You want to know why there's a job gap? IT'S BECAUSE NO ONE WILL FUCKING HIRE ME.)

I am in general feeling frustrated and angry and honestly, the only thing keeping me from having a meltdown about the latest failure is probably the meds and just trying to keep disengaged from the negative self-talk, and like, poking holes in some of the bullshit my anxiety is coming up with. (I am actually in the process of a meltdown, but it's a very slow motion/quiet one. The feeling of frustration/defeat/desire to wreck things further because why not is there, but things are not actually getting wrecked, so that's a good thing, I guess?)

Friday, I have a therapy appointment. I am probably going to bring up the Apricot Pit Thing and my frustrations with Moonbat Relatives. And my frustrations with the job hunt. I also have to go to the clinic and sign things. (I am pretty sure I already did the signing of things, but there is apparently no record of it. This is slightly confusing.) I still can't give them a primary care physician because I still haven't called to get a new one/set up an appointment. I just haven't been able to get around to doing it.

No writing got done all week, except for promptish type writing. I still want to work on my other blogs, but haven't written anything for them.

***Cross-posted from Dreamwidth***

My Feet

My feet and legs decided that Friday I maxed out the Distance I Am Allowed to Walk in Hot Weather in Insufficient Footwear and as a result I have been hobbling around barely able to walk all weekend. My feet hurt. My legs hurt. All muscles relevant to standing and walking are sore. I definitely need to take water the next time I go on an interview, even if carrying a water bottle might seem unprofessional.

My knee has been doing a thing where if it's at an angle for any length of time, it starts to hurt. (This is an ongoing thing and has nothing to do with maxing out my distance.)

The sneakers I am currently wearing are cheap Payless sneakers that are completely falling apart. (Also, the soles are bizarrely thin and I can feel every rock underfoot.) The "falling apart" is mostly in the soles, which have holes in them where the rubber has worn away. The tops still seem okay.

Friday afternoon a got a call from my case manager that I was not able to return because she made the call around five thirty in the afternoon and I did not know about it until about six, due to my cell phone ringer being off. I was not able to call her back because the clinic closes at six.

Also on Friday, I missed a meeting at the clinic I was apparently supposed to attend. (I did not know about it, because the message was sent through the mail, which I am bad about picking up. I found out about it because I was called about it the day before. I explained about the interview and let out of having to go.)

I still haven't gone grocery shopping, which is a thing I need to do. I will probably do that Monday, as well as calling the clinic to find out what my case manager wants.

I also still need to switch doctors and get an appointment and from there get asthma medication and blood pressure medication. (So, I do have some aversion to prescription medication, but not because I think "alternative" medicine is so much better. I just have an aversion because a lot of times it doesn't seem to help any more than "alternative medicine" seems to help. That is to say, it doesn't seem to help at all.)

***Cross-posted from Dreamwidth***

Interview Adventure!

So, I had to be at the place at 11. As stated previously, I was given an address but no directions. Valley Metro gave me a bus stop at an intersection. I was under the impression that the place was near the intersection. I did a lot of walking, but did not find the place!

I called the jobsite and got directions! I still ended up going in the wrong direction! A lady saw me trudging along the bike lane (there were no sidewalks) and offered me a ride. I was tired enough from walking that I decided that the lady offering assistance was most likely NOT an ax murderer. She determined that I was going in the wrong direction and gave me a ride to the job site. (She also gave me impromptu interview advice.)

So, I did the interview! The jobsite is near the airport and is an "FBO." I think I did okay with the interview, though I was not quite sure how to explain the job gap. (THERE'S A JOB GAP BECAUSE NO ONE IS HIRING ME.) I did mention the freelance writing and the brief stint working at the warehouse. I accidentally also mentioned mental health issues. :\ I do not like mentioning mental health issues. There are also slight transportation issues because bus. (One only of the available shifts would be a problem because it starts at 4 a.m. I could take a cab or get there VERY early.)

It is a quarter mile or more from the jobsite's front office to the street. There are bus stops closer than the intersection I was directed to get off at, but not very much closer. (I am still not sure where the access road I went down is in relation to the cross section. I was not able to to see the road sign from the bus.)

It was very damn hot and I had no water. A gentleman in a truck (a landscaping company truck) offered me a ride or water. He was also not an ax murderer. I took the water, and made it to the bus stop. I should point out that I was walking in heels. I hate heels. I hate walking in them.Especially for long distances. Especially when it's hot.

A third person, male, interacted with me but he was an asshole. I was very unhappy concerning this interaction. Because asshole. I wanted an ax.

As I was saying, it was very damn hot and I could not sit on the ground because it was very, very hot. The bus stop had no shade, and also no bench/shelter. I ended up very sick, and then it turned out that I was at the right bus stop, but it was going in the wrong direction. I did not care, and was not actually able to walk, so I went to the end of the line on the bus and then waited thirty minutes for the next bus driver to take the bus in the opposite direction.

So, I eventually got to my home bus stop and walked very slowly and painfully to my apartment complex.

***Cross-posted from Dreamwidth***

Job Hunt Udpate!

cross posted from tumblr

I have an interview tomorrow as a customer service rep. The job is Way Out There and my contact gave me the address, but no directions/cross streets/landmarks. I was able to find the place via Valley Metro. It’s about a mile away from the bus stop. Walking in heels is going to be murder. I sent an email requesting directions information about building/suite numbers and so on. It’s a 24 hr. operation and I’m worried about Shifts Incompatible With Bus Schedules.

I have a potential job interview with a temp agency. I will do the online fill out the application and test-taking after I do the csr interview. (Probably a couple days after the csr interview, so actually Monday.) I am not looking forward to the tests because I do not test well.

Currently I am in the apartment clubhouse because the connection outside the club house has been unusually bad. (Possibly they have been able to limit the wifi to the clubhouse. Generally speaking, my apartment is close enough to pick up a signal of varying strength.)

I am horribly lazy and have not gone grocery shopping. I really need to go grocery shopping. Instead of going grocery shopping a picked a few things up at the Walgreens on the corner. I am terrible and should feel bad.

The apartment complex is doing some kind of lunch program for the kids, which means adults get kicked out of the clubhouse from noon to 1 pm.

***Cross-posted from Dreamwidth***

Update

I finally did job hunt stuff. (the last time I did was July 7). I have been lazy, slacking off due to the continuing "No authorization from Vocational Rehab means no Job Counselor" thing. Applied/sent resumes to six places instead of my usual three. (I usually do three a day or three-four every other day.) I'm going to try to do six tomorrow, and some time will go to the club house (better reception) and try to fill online applications.

The places I applied at seemed to require lots of experience in specific areas, but only high school level education. One job implied that you specifically needed a car. (Generally speaking if they ask for "reliable transportation" they want to know if you have a car. Buses and taxis are not considered reliable transportation.)

I've been pretty unhappy/depressed. My sleep schedule is still borked and I keep falling asleep. This is generally not a good thing. I would like to go out, theoretically, but it is too hot. I should probably try to do another donation post (I have paypal donation buttons on my blogs I generally use the funds for hygiene products, cleaning products, Goodwill shopping and the occasional fast food stop.)

I am currently worried about my credit rating which most likely sucks at this point. A good credit rating is something that is more likely to get you hired.

On the other hand, I have managed to maintain writing my fanfic! I should definitely be writing other non-fanfic related things but I am still experiencing anxiety related to my borked attempt at freelance writing. (Which in an of itself was a source of anxiety because I couldn't figure out self promotion or affiliate marketing.) But! I definitely have things I want to write about, like my adventures with interviews, and my expanded feels concerning The Company With Tubes In.

***Cross-posted from Dreamwidth***

Chrono Crusade (Cooking) Headcanons

cross posted from tumblr

Vaguely related to this.

Mary: Can and probably has cooked EVERYTHING in EVERY CULTURE. She is the goddamn repository of all human knowledge. A great deal of that would be cooking. She probably wandered, half asleep from her rooms to the kitchen, trying to figure out how to make some dish from halfway around the world or several hundred years in the past or future that she’s suddenly craving with the ingredients available. The cooks just kind of stood back and wondered what the hell she was doing.

Aion: Can follow a recipe, can improvise. Occasionally attempts complicated recipes. Can bake.

Chrono: Can follow a recipe! Prefers barbecuing, makes his own barbecue sauce.

Rosette: Eternally relegated to prep work.

Shader: Can actually cook and bake simple things but requires supervision because she gets distracted. Would be relegated to prep work except for absent minded noshing of ingredients.

Joshua: Very, very simple recipes. Also relegated to prep work.

Azmaria: Can follow recipes and improvise! Also bakes. Intimidated by complicated recipes. (They come out fine, usually.)

Satella: Does not cook.

Fiore: Can follow a recipe. Can improvise. Can create new recipes. Can bake. Can plan meals. Awes everyone with her skills.

Rizelle: Never ever allowed in the kitchen. (Everything gets burned. Everything gets overcooked or undercooked. Sometimes both. Can’t follow recipes. Attempts to improvise and fails dramatically to create anything edible. Does not clean up after herself.)

Genai: Would be relegated to prep work if he could be coaxed into actually doing the prep work. Noshes. Lurks. Attempts to back-seat cook with no actual knowledge of cooking.

Viede: can follow a simple recipe

Elder: can heat a can of soup.

Ewan: can cook and bake simple things.

Kate: Can follow recipes and improvise. Bakes. (mostly cookies.)

***Cross-posted from Dreamwidth***

Chrono Crusade Headcanoning

cross posted from tumblr (written on July 10, so a couple days ago)

Okay, so I remembered these because of a post about the positivity about hearing women refer to their wives and men referring to their husbands, and some dink suggested that it was the wrong way around. (Because the dink felt that heterosexuals were underrepresented I guess.)

First: Shader does not have a strong understanding of human gender roles. From observation (bearing in mind that she’s been observing from the 1800s to the 1920s) she knows that “wives” perform a certain sets of functions, and “husbands” perform another set of functions. It is harder for her to understand that “wife” and “husband” are gender-linked. This means that when she says Fiore should be her wife, she is also stating that she should be Fi’s husband.

Second: certain behaviors/expectations for demons are linked to functions, not genders. Shader is a technicians/engineer type. She is expected to be very smart, have good mechanical aptitude, be very task focused and requires a certain amount of protection and care to ensure that she functions at peak efficiency. She is not expected to be a fighter. Chrono, as a command level soldier is not going to take her very seriously if she shows an interest in combat training. She is smol and cute and needs to be protected. (Chrono has therefore probably treated Militia engineers/gunsmiths/non combatants/researchers on occasion as smol and in need of coddling, even if/when they were studying him. Male Researcher: …the demon asked if I’d been getting enough sleep. And scolded me for skipping breakfast. He brought me muffins from the kitchen. Why.) Rosette however, probably reads as a soldier. Chrono noticeably still fusses, but past a certain point, Rosette is getting dunked in the nearest pond, she is a soldier and should Know Better.

Third: Chrono does not care about human honorific conventions and pretends he doesn’t understand them. (Specifically the old one where a married woman might sign her name or be referred to as “Mrs Huband’s first name, Husband’s last name.) Particularly in the Perfect Mind verse, he has referred to himself as "Mr. Rosette Christopher.” This drives Rosette straight up the wall, which is most likely why he does it.

Vaguely related: I complained about a story once where Rizelle was put in a domestic role for apparently no other reason than because she was female. (Specifically, cooking. Um. I would never trust either Shader or Rizelle in the kitchen. Ever.) My argument was that we don’t really see a lot of gender conformity among the Sinners. Kind of the opposite of that, really. Some dude did a “I have no familiarity with the canon but I think there’s nothing wrong with the patriarchy and women should accept their gender roles, because that’s what they’re best suited for. I don’t see any reason why the character shouldn’t be allowed to cook,” at me. I was extremely displeased.

***Cross-posted from Dreamwidth***

A Scary Moment...

crossposted from tumblr....

When I woke up this morning I was having some significant vision problems. Everything was extremely blurry, and I couldn’t make out my keyboard or the computer screen. The problem has mostly cleared up but the experience was extremely alarming. (I cleaned my glasses just in case and peered at the text of medicine bottles to test my vision.)

(Not however as alarming as back in 2009 and in 2010 I think where my right eye suddenly had this huge patch of of glare and I couldn’t see anything past it.)

I also have a slight headache.

In other news, I keep getting “stop script” errors from Firefox. Two in a row most recently. I am not pleased. (Firefox is my main browser.)

***Cross-posted from Dreamwidth***